


Lov' Sucks

by Reciprocate



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Attempted Suicide, My issues with people who romanticize abuse, Other, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-14
Packaged: 2019-08-23 18:01:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16623785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reciprocate/pseuds/Reciprocate
Summary: Please stay with me so I know I'm worth something because without you I'm nothing. I want you close, I need you the most. Please don't leave me to rot because I don't want to be forgot.





	1. Chapter 1

 

You got me by your fingertips. Oh please god, kiss me on the lips.

I love the way you look at me, it always puts me on my knees.

So please promise to keep me close, so I won't feel gross.

Keep me in need, even if it means I have to bleed.

Make me yours, I'll be on all my fours

Because that's what love is...

...I'm in your clutches...

**. . .**

The passing streetlights illuminated Chara's lifeless pale skin and their red innocent eyes like the shade of wilting roses, which warms my thighs.

I can't help it when you look so stern. It's so dominant that it made me feel safe like no one in the world would fuck with me when I'm with you.  
.  
Chara leaned back in the battered car's worn seat. Their long strands of their bob cut skipped in the frigid night's buffeting wind, and I have to say, I didn't do too bad of a job on it.

I grinned and shook my head.

I'm being a creep.

My cheeks burned and eyes sagged when Chara glanced at me with that heartfelt smile, the one that washed the pain away:

And the reason I feel for you.

Their voice soft and dull like a last breath, "You look sick."

I scrunched up while my eyes darted to the floor. My words tumbled out of my maw, "I...I'm fine."

The engine whirred as the breaks creaked when we stopped at a light.

"Scared?" They flicked the blinker on.

I wrung my sweaty hands together as my heart pounded. I shook my head.

"Remember the promise?"

Honestly wished I didn't.

I nodded.

"Know how to use it?"

The image of aiming down the Glock invaded my thoughts.

"...Yeah..." My chest constricts and shallow breaths stung.

"Show me." They reached over to the glove compartment. They rummaged inside before they dragged the Glock and magazine out:

It rested on my lap by the jutting embarrassment within my pants.

But they didn't stare at me like I'm a degenerate, horny teen. They snickered and their cute grin tickled my heart.

The car crawled as they drove down the street: The one I hated, the one that we almost died on, the one that started all of this.

"And maybe..." Chara paused as those soothing eyes met with mine. "You'll get a treat." They kneaded my thigh before they edged their bony hand by my groin.

"I..." I paused, the regret burrowed into my aching throat.

"C'mon Azy." They traced their fingers between my thighs.

My heart fluttered, mind fogged from the flooding ecstasy, and my body yearned to be close.

Chara clicked their tongue and whistled like they're calling a dog.

I get that I'm an animal but that's a little too far.

"Please stop," I asked.

"Load it then."

My hands wavered, I extended them and held the cold plastic. My gut contorted as it churned with bile: the thought of killing someone drowned my thoughts.

I'm the biggest pussy in the world.

"Good boy." Chara squeezed and I whimpered.

The car crawled to a stop by a gnarled house at the end of the street.

I slid the magazine in. Flicked the safety. I swallowed my regret.

It's almost as bad as the knife.

They grinned before they spoke.

"Point it at me."

My brows parted and eyes rounded while my floppy ears rose.

"C'mon."

My jaw suspended in the air as my mind struggled to piece my thoughts.

"Do it."

"C-Chara..." I shook my head.

"What happens if things go south?" They cut the ignition.

Is this fucked up? Or are they right? I have to, right? Anyone would...?

My chin quivered. "I...I don't know?" I stared over my shoulder at the house, with the lone lamp light that beckons people into its trap.

"Don't you love me?"

I stared at them. My eyes welled and seared with tears. Pathetic.

"Prove it."

They're right, I have to man up.

I sighed. "...Okay..." I extended my fingers away from the trigger and pointed it between their half-lidded eyes.

"Fingers on it."

I clutched it but my index stayed away. Body numbed.

"All of them."

My finger dragged to it. I stared at them. Chara crawled towards the pistol's muzzle.

Their forehead pressed against it. "You're pretty _fucking_ hot for a bitch."

Yeah, that's me, the biggest of all.

I pointed the pistol aside while I gazed into their lustrous eyes. They silenced the torment.

Chara caressed my cheek, they grooved my fur with their soft fingers, and their sultry breaths brushed against my yearning lips.

My shoulder and eyes eased. "I lov-"

They compressed their lips against mine. Chara rubbed the back of my ears as their fingers grooved my fur. The internal woe hushed. Chara edged their head away as they scratched my chin.

I nuzzled my nose on their soft, cold cheek as they chuckled.

"Azy, stop." Chara shoved my chest. "Gotta work."

My heart longs for their love. My brows parted and I held their hand and rubbed it. "I love you."

"Me too." Chara slid out of the car but before they shut the door. They stared at me. "Keep me safe." They ran to the house.

Distant dogs barked.

I fixated on the rear view mirror while they knocked on the house's door. I flicked the safety on before I leaned the seat back and stared at the ceiling.

My heart crumbled like a stone as the bitting moisture flooded my eyes.

Stop crying, only weak, effeminate men cry. Man up...

I sniffled and wiped the tears away.

Stop being disgusting. They'll leave you, is that what you want?

I Burrow my claws into my palm. The prick hushed the voice.

Turn pain into pleasure. Gotta remember that. It's why they're capable and I'm worthless. They turned a weakness to strength.

Distant cars whirred as they passed by the road.

My stomach knotted as my temples throbbed.

Minutes droned.

Shallow breaths escape my quivering lips. Tears welled in my eyes. I cried into my palms. Pathetic.

That's all I am, that's all I'll ever be, that's why I don't deserve you or anyone. I'm weak, pathetic, and just disgusting.

Searing tears streamed down my cheeks.

Stop crying that's all you ever do!

I gasped for air as my nose stung. The blistering tears rush down my face like a cascading waterfall.

Disgusting is what I am. Absolutely _utterly_ disgusting.

ThIs god awful stained wife beater screamed my insecurities, these baggy pants with holes are a joke, and the dumb tribal-like tattoos they coaxed me to get are...well... are cool but they're ugly on me.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks. I bet I cried like I did when I got these stupid tattoos...bet you'd laugh just like then too. It's probably funny because of how pathetic I am. My breathy laughs seeped from my lips before I coughed.

I'm such a piece of garbage.

My throat stung.

The street lights' rays flickered in the rearview mirror when something moved.

I bolted upright with the Glock in my hand by my lap.

The stark figure stepped to the driver's door.

Breathing ceased.

The doorknob clicked.

Blood ran cold. Skin crawled. Heart thrashed.

It creaked open.

I aimed the wavering pistol.

The invader encroached.

I shut my eyes, faced away. "Stop or I'll shoot!"

"What the fuck?" Chara said.

The door beeped.

"Ugh...I, err, I t-thought..." I dropped the pistol with my palms splayed in the air. "I'm sorry!"

"Did you fucking try to **SHOOT ME**!"

"N-no, I...I-I." My eyes darted away as I scrunched up. "I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!" My body quivered.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" They flung a heavy, crinkled paper bag at me.

"I wasn't going to!"

"You pointed it at me!"

"I-I didn't mean to."

Their voice sharpened, "The fuck does that mean?"

"I don't know...?"

"You don't?" Chara's knuckles popped.

"I really don't kn-"

"How!"

"I'm sorry."

"That's all you fucking say!"

"You're hurting me."

"You hurt me first, asshole!"

A visceral chill stabbed my spine. "...Sorry..." My stomach pitted.

"You wanna know what it feels like?" Their face beat with sweat as it reddened.

"C-Chara, please, I'm sorry!" I curled up with my hands over my face.

They seized the pistol and shoved the muzzle against my throbbing forehead.  
"How do you like it, you little **fucking** asshole!" Chara jerked my horn.   
The cold plastic slammed against my head. "Look at me, asshole!"  
Chara screamed homophobic slurs as they tugged me by them.  
They loomed over me. I whimpered like a pathetic animal.  
"I thought you were going to fucking protect me!"  
They bellowed over my shrilled pleads.  
Chara clicked the safety off.  
"Look at me!"

I shielded my eyes with my wavering palm. "Please stop." I whimpered.

"Hurts, doesn't it?"

"I'm sorry, I really am!" My blistering eyes dragged toward theirs but when they met the muzzle: they darted away from Chara.

"Fucking disgusting." Chara tossed my head against the seat's headrest. They sat and unloaded the gun. "Next time, you better kill me."

I swallowed my guilt before I leaned back against the seat with my hand over my eyes.  
Leaden pants lacerated my aching throat.

They stowed the Glock in the glove compartment.

The door slammed.

I winced.

Grueling, bitter silence.

It's my fault, I should apologize...right?

Chara crossed their arms and hunched over the steering wheel. Their hair shrouded their face.

"I'm so-"

Chara faced me, their eyes sagged. "Sorry."

I blinked.

"I." They paused. "Didn't mean it."

My brows parted.

Chara sighed. "I'm trying to get better."

"I know."

They got a few problems but they're trying.

"I just...I felt threatened." Chara shrugged.

"It's okay. It's my fault."

"I just...it really hurt."

"I know...I'm sorry." My eyes met theirs before I averted my gaze.

"Why'd you do it?"

My jaw suspended in the air before I clasped my lips and shrugged.

Because I'm a wuss.

"Do you hate me?" They faced the windshield.

"N-no!"

"Then why'd you threaten me?"

I flicked my tongue against my lips. My gut gnarled. "I don't know," I lied.

Chara's voice cracked, "It really hurt."

My chest hallowed as their words plucked my heartstrings. "I'm sorry." I extended my arm by their shoulder, but recoiled it back when a frigid bolt shot through my spine.

Silence.

I leaned forward before I caressed the back of their head while I slid my fingers along the thin strands of Chara's hair.

No reply.

My heart ached.

The silence crawled like looming storm clouds.

I leaned towards Chara while my arms slunk under theirs as they wrapped around Chara and I pulled Chara into my chest before I nestled my muzzle against their cold cheek; I kissed them with little pecks but when Chara snickered: my heart fluttered. "I love you."

"Want a reward for being a good boy?" Chara scratched my chin.

"Umm...err." My eyes eased as my cheeks burned. "W-what is it?"

" _Hmm_ , guess."

"Hugs and snuggles?" I smiled. "With lotsa kisses?"

"Burgers, idiot."

My ears sagged. "Oh..."

"And sex in the stalls."

Please no...not again.

"That's..." I paused from the revolting image. "Hot." I faux an endearing smile.

"How 'bout I fuck ya now?" Chara nudged my arms away before they turned to me and shoved me against the seat.

"N-not in public!" My eyes scurried away as I scrunched my arms by my chest.

"Why?"

"It's...errr, umm." I spoke under my breath, "Dirty...? Wrong?"

"Dontcha love it, Azy." Chara straddled theirself on my thighs as they pinned my shoulders against the seat. They whispered in my ear, "Don't you like it when I make you dirty?"

I shuddered when they cupped their hand my groin. "We...should go back...to, oh-oh..." My breathy moans escaped my quivering lips. "I...this isn't right..."

Chara's shoulders and lips wilted: my heart pitted. "It's because I'm ugly?"

"N-no! I love you, I think you're beautiful and amazing. You're perfect!"

They sniffled.

"I...ahm..." I lowered my head and turned away. "I want you...it's just...no-" My eyes rounded.

"You hate me."

"No! I love everything about you and that y-"

"Then let me love you!"

My chin quivered and gut wrenched. "Can we go home?"

"No."

I clenched my teeth and sighed as my brows drew together. I pursed my lips before I shut my eyes.

Remember, love is to give not to take.

Chara's serene, soft eyes pleaded.

How could I say no?

"O-okay..." I said.

They shook their head. "No point."

"Huh?"

"Ruined it." Chara crossed their arms.

"...Sorry..."

They sighed.

"Do...do you want to?"

No reply.

"I'll..." I paused. "Do what you like..."

"Hmm."

I gulped, I averted my gaze.

They sighed.

"You can also..." My chest tightened as my breaths ebbed.

I deserve it.

"Call me names."

Chara's eyes narrowed. "Say it."

"What?"

"Tell me what you are."

"I...don-"

Chara rolled their eyes and sighed. "All you do is bitch."

"Sorry."

"Whatever."

I sighed. "Okay...I'll...say it." I inhaled a long drawn breath, held it, and sighed.   
"I'm your...slut, bitch, doll." I lowered my head by my chest. "I love it...when you humiliate me because I'm a piece of garbage." My heart crumbled. "I need you because without you there's nothing to me."

"What else, Azy?" Chara nudged my chin for our eyes to meet.

I smiled. "I love it when you give me meaning. I love that you make me feel wanted and I'm nothing without you. You're my god, my angel, my savior. Without you I'm trash."

Chara grinned. "Go on."

"I need you to...fuck me so I can feel whole." I gulped my vices. "Have...your way with me and make me feel dirty."

Bile churned in my gut. My heart severed like butterfly wings. Body numbed.

"Good boy, now get on your knees."

"Umm..."

"Jesus fuck, what is it now?"

"It'd...be...awkward, wouldn't it?" I scratched the side of my cheek.

Chara popped their knuckles.

"Not...a lot of room."

Their lip crooked down as their hair shrouded their eyes.

The bitter silence pricked my crawling skin.

I shifted my shoulders but Chara pinned me into the seat.

"You're so fuckin' spoiled."

My brows parted and I blinked.

"This is what I get?"

"H-huh?"

"I bust my ass off and you can't do one thing for me!"

I sighed.

Because I want to feel loved.

"Fine." I shut my eyes as my chest pitted. "I'll do it."

We shifted in the seat. I rested on my knees. My nose rested against my lover's privates.

To care is to give.

I submitted to their lustful desires, and they played with me like a doll because:

...That's love...?

. . .

I'll do anything you wish just so I can stay.

I don't even mind it when you always get your way.

You can hurt me, make me cry, and wish that I could die.

So long as I can wake up to you without having to hear goodbye.

. . .

I rested my elbow against the door. The residue of Chara's fluids melded with the burger's, which tasted like chunky mayonnaise with too much salt. I gagged as the wind buffeted in my flopping ears.

"You okay?"

"Yeah...think it had too much...glitter."

"Hm." Chara slouched against the seat as we drove down the empty city's road.

I chuckled. "Because..." I paused as my lopsided smile dimpled my cheek. "You're...ugh, ahm." My eyes scurried away. "Your sparkle is all I need." I squinted as I tried to wink.

Chara snickered. "That's stupid."

"Yeah but, you're smiling." I slunk my hand beside thiers on the armrest. I laced my fingers between their frigid ones as my hand envelop theirs. I squeezed.

Their lips receded.

"Umm...are you okay?" I raised my brows.

"Yeah." Chara slipped their hand from my grasp.

"You su-"

"I said yeah."

"...Sorry..."

"Why are you sorry?"

I shrugged. "I don't know?"

Chara sighed as they slapped their forehead and dragged their hand down it.

I'm going to regret this, but I have to do it.

"Sorry." I grinned.

"Just shut up."

We pulled up to the motel's parking lot, the cesspool we call home: Anuses Rooms. I halfheartedly giggled at the sign we vandalized. I'm too immature.

Chara killed the ignition. "Backpack."

I pulled the seat's handle, reclined back, and retrieved it.

They snatched the bag from the passenger's seat and stowed it in the backpack. "Is there vodka left?"

"Huh?" I covered my mouth and yawned.

"We're celebrating."

I rubbed my eyes. "It's a bit late..." My shoulders slacked.

"That's the point."

"What about the neighbors?" I wrung my hands.

A lewd grin wrinkled Chara's cheek. "Don't moan so loud."

My cheeks burned.

"C'mon, you'll love it."

I scratched my cheek. "C-can we snuggle and kiss?"

"After I fuck your _little_ tight ass."

They'll just fall asleep...like always.

"You're...still horny?" I slouched forward with my cheek in my palm.

"Yeah, was a flat cum."

"Oh..."

"Learn to not use your fucking teeth."

Kinda hard when you slam my head into you.

I nodded.

"Also, don't look at me, it's gross."

My chest hallowed. I sighed, I spoke under my breath, "...Okay..."

"Killing the mood."

I rubbed my nose and flicked it. "Sorry."

Chara sighed. "Well, at least it should be easy for you."

"Okay?"

"What?" Chara's narrowed eyes gleamed through the strands of their hair.

"No, it's just..." I shrugged.

"You don't want to?"

My reply burrowed into my throat as I held my breath. I shook my head.

"Then why are you being _such_ a bitch?"

I shrugged.

"Do you hate me?"

"No." I extended my arm onto their shoulder before I squeezed it.

"It's just." Chara sighed. "Today has been shit...and I really need you."

My ears drooped. "Oh."

"Azy." Chara's words shot a jolt down my spine. "I want to feel loved."

We gazed into each other's eyes.

My heart yearned for them. My lips longed for theirs. My body craved to embrace them

Chara leaned towards me, our lips an inch apart as they seized my breath. They whispered, "Azy, I really _fuckin_ ' need you so damn bad."

My heart pounded against my chest as sweat welled in my palms. My lips quivered.

"Please."

I smiled and leaned in as I nuzzled Chara's nose with mine. I kissed their soft lips, the taste of mustard still lingered.

They've been doing everything for me. I need to give back.

"Okay, I'll do it."

We stepped out of the car, headed up the stairs to our shitty room, and sat on the bed while Chara rummaged the mini refrigerator for the detestable garbage.

I hunched over while Chara stepped beside me with the plastic bottle.  
The springs squeaked as I fidgeted in place and played with my fingers.

Chara shook the bottle in front of me. A crude, lewd grin stretched across their rosy cheeks.

I fixated on the disgusting thing as the liquid sloshed. I peeked at Chara, their warm smile tickled my heart and pleaded me to indulge in the vices:

So I'll be their doll and play along.

My fingers dangled when I reached for it before I plucked the poison from their hand and its bitter kiss stung my lips while my throat seared like I'd eaten red pepper seeds, but it didn't linger; I shook my head as my meek, crooked smile wrinkled my cheeks. "What do you have planned?"

Chara's hum caressed my ears as they leaned their head by mine. Their sultry breaths brushed my fur. Their voice rasped like a last breath, "You'll find out." They kissed me.

I shuddered, my eyes slacked.

Hell, how could I say no?

I chuckled. "I-is there anything you want me to...do?" My cheeks burned.

Chara scratched my chin before they tugged on the unkempt strands of fur.  
"Just sit there and look cute."

"O-okay." I inched my muzzle towards their lips before they retracted their head back.

Their hair veiled their eyes as their lips receded. "Save it for later."

My brows parted while my ears wilted. "Sorry."

Chara stared heavenward and rolled their eyes. "Just drink, so we can start."

"O-okay." I scrunched up and winced when Chara raised their voice.

"Jesus fuck, you're a broken record." They sat beside me before they collapsed onto the bed.

"Sorr-"

"Just drink."

I bobbed my head. "Do...you want so-"

"After you're done."

My finger rubbed against the bottle's neck. My lips caressed the rim of the bottle before I tilted my head back.

Nip the bitterness. Gulp the ravaging ire. Chug my selfishness.

My regret ravaged my raw throat while I coughed.

"Not bad." Chara leaned beside me and snatched the bottle. They drank a nip. "Now be a good boy and lie down."

"C-can...I...ahm." I slouched with my cheek in my palm as I rested my elbow against my thigh. "Get a kiss?"

Chara shoved my chest as I collapsed onto the bed. "Beg."

I shut my eyes and pursed my lips.

My gut contorted like a twister. My breathing accelerated. The bed squeaked when Chara crawled above me.

"Well?" Chara jabbed their fingernail into my sternum. Their heavy breaths dampened my fur.

"C-can we..." My eyes crept open as I gazed into their slacked ones. My frail form reflected in his irises. "Be romantic, please?" My mind fogged from the encroaching venom.

"Isn't this?"

"I-it..." My quivering jaw hung. "Yeah, it is...ahm." I flicked my tongue against my dry lips.

"Such a bitch." Chara edged the bottom of my shirt up.

The crooked smiles of scars mottled along my flat stomach and peeking rib cage. Disgusting.

Chara slid the shirt over my head and I splayed my arms above it. "Azy."

I blinked while the drowsiness restrained my thoughts. "Hummm?"

"Those aren't mine."

I blinked as my thoughts scattered.

" _Azy_."

My jaw hung, my mind fogged. "Ummph...whaja talken 'bout?" My eyes sagged.

"Your arms."

"Hugh...?"

"Did you do that?" Chara tugged on my lax wrist and shoved my hand in my face.

"My han'?"

Chara tossed my limp arm back. "Did you fucking cut!"

"I dunot know?" I turned away but Chara jerked my muzzle for our eyes to lock: I averted my gaze.

"You've been cutting!"

Cool, they figured it out.

"Shorry?" I chuckled.

Chara's head dipped between their shoulders as the strands of hair shrouded their eyes.

My heart raced.

Silence.

Their grip on my muzzle tightened as my cheeks bunched.

I fidgeted as I clutched onto the blanket.

"Are you trying to leave me?"

"Mmmnooo."

No reply.

My eyes darted as my brows twitched.

Silence.

I gulped.

Chara's nails burrowed into my flesh.

My breathing raced.

"Do you hate me?"

I shook my head with restricted movement.

"I thought you loved me."

My jaw edged out of its hinges:

Joints popped.

My chest spasmed, I whimpered.

Chara's glistening eyes gleamed from the lamp beams.

I writhed but they pinned me to the bed.

"Look at me."

My eyes dragged towards them before they darted away. I clasped my wavering lips.

Crimson crawled down my muzzle.

"Look at me!"

My skin crawled tears pattered against my fur. I glanced into their eyes, my heart cracked.

"Do you hate me that much."

I shook my head.

"Then why do you want to leave me?"

I shook my head.

"Would you rather be with someone else?"

I shook my head.

"Then why'd you do it?"

Because I want the pain to stop.

I peered into their eyes as it reflected my disgusting image: I averted my gaze.

"Am I disgusting?" Their grip around my muzzle loosen.

"No." I brushed their cheek as I traced my finger along it as I wiped the tears away.

Chara sat as they sniffled.

"I hov' you, I promish I wonteave you." I leaned forward, my lips nuzzled against Chara's. I smiled as my heart fluttered.

We gazed into each other's eyes.

"Promise you won't go." Chara cupped their hand over mine on their cheek.

"I promish." I pecked my lips against theirs before they shoved me into the bed.

"Thanks." Chara smiled, they trailed their finger down my chest.

Slumber enticed me.

My eyes sagged, I spoke under my breath, "I'm...a bit...shleepy."

Chara unzipped my pants. My belt rattled.

"Whait...I...ugh.." My mind fogged as my vision blurred while my sluggish hand nudged Chara's arm.

"It's okay, Azy." They dragged my pants off.

The frigid air bit into my bare flesh.

I shivered.

Chara loomed over me. Sardonic smile.

"I...hon't feelwell..."

"Shhh, you want to feel love, right?"

I squeezed my eyes shut. "Yeah? Maybe?" My stomach churned. "I..." My brows parted while my thoughts jumbled.

"You want this, right?"

"Want...wat?"

"To feel loved."

"Yeah."

"So relax."

My thighs constricted when Chara slipped their fingers between the seam of my boxers.

"Chan we jus' snuhgle?"

No reply.

Chara exposed me.

"W-whait, I...do-"

"Do you you not love me?"

My heartstrings frayed. "I do."

Chara rested their hands by my head. He loomed over me. Those soft eyes enticed me.

"I lov' you, Chara."

"Me too." They edged their nose by mine. Their soft scent eased my nerves.

"Just shut your eyes, Azy." Chara slid his hands behind my ears and rubbed them.  
A balmy scent of lotion assaulted my nostrils.

I inched my lips by theirs but Chara recoiled back. My heart ached.

"Just relax."

I leaned my head against the pillow as I gazed into their eyes.

...I don't want this...

My pleads rived my throat while my constricting chest choked my lungs.

"It's okay, Azy, relax."

I writhed.

Chara snared.

I dug my claws into the sheets. "W-wait..."

"Relax."

Muscles stiffen like a corpse.

"Azy, relax." Chara forced their lips onto mine: their tongue breached.

Body numbed.

I froze.

Silence.

Stop!

" _Relax, Azy_."

Please stop!

I cried, I writhed and flailed as Chara kept me in place while blistering torrents of tears ran down my face when I gasped for air for my crumbling lungs before Chara wedged something between my legs and my gut churned; bile snaked up my sore throat but:

Like a child with a doll, the monster played with me.

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**Please stop!**

**PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP:**

Chara impaled me.

**. . .**

  
I love you.

Despite the things you do, I know you love me too.

You can't help your nature.

Because all you are is a **DISGUSTING** creature.

So it's not your fault.

Despite all the barrages of assault.

So I have to love you.

...Because I don't have anyone else to go to...

**. . .**


	2. Fuck this

My eyes crawled open. They fluttered from the morning light that filtered through the tattered curtains.

I groaned and winced when my head throbbed. I rubbed my temples.

Biting bile flooded my mouth as I covered it.

I leaned forward but my legs constricted. I reached over the edge of the bed and tugged a wastebasket with my finger in front of my muzzle.

Vomit poured from my quivering mouth.

What happen?

An acute twinge pierced my thoughts.

I wiped the vomit from my mouth and blinked the drowsiness away.

Set up the thing...got the stuff...something, something.

I rotated my aching jaw encircles.

Why am I sore?

My gut churned when the scent of alcohol encroached my flaring nose.

Right, drank...something else...

I rubbed my nose while I rummaged on my distorted thoughts. I flicked my dry tongue against my chapped lips.

Chara raspy snores stabbed my ears.

My gut tightened and breathing hastened as my body wavered:

But why?

I vomited into the trash. I shut my eyes as they tightened.

Bed...sleep? But why am I sore?

I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I ran my hand down my forehead to my chin.

Okay...recall the day...

Woke up, dressed...umm, ate? No...

My mind blanked.

C'mon.

I rested my hand on my stomach. I touched something crusty, dry and up a trail along my gut. I tugged on the strands of fur as I glanced at it.

Right...naked...for...?

A keen, potent twinged contorted my gut like a twisting knife.

My eyes widened as I held my breath.

...No...

I shook my head as repugnant, revolting residue defiled my insides.

They promised.

I gulped down the vile truth as it simmered in my gut. The flashes of the night flooded my mind as it sunk its venom:

I snickered. I cried. I hysterically laughed.

Chara broke it.

My breaths lashed at my throat.

...I want out...I want out of this...I'm done...

Chara mumbled, my skin crawled. "Shhh, Azy, trying to sleep." They shifted in the covers.

I popped my knuckles as I tightened them.

My blood seethed.

It's over.

My fingers trembled.

Shower, pack my things, and just run...

My chest hallowed as my heart sunk like a rock.

But where? I don't have mo-

I hauled myself up, rummaged Chara's pants, and seized their cash.

They'll be fine...I think...maybe...

I donned my clothes, rushed out the door into the frigid damp air , and bolted down the stair but bumped into:

Chara.

Cold sweat snaked down my spine. Knees locked.

They stared at me with a...cute? Blank expression and eyes like they're exhausted.

My head spun and I clutched onto the stair's railing.

They smiled and waved at me before they clenched their right hand in a fist and rotated encircles by their chest.

I blinked. "Err...s-sorry, I need to go..." I dipped my head between my shoulders before I slipped past them and jogged off towards the motel's sidewalk.

Past stores before I distance myself from the motel and strolled down the streets by plazas.

Cars whirred by, sirens blared in the distance, and people's heavy footfalls pattered against the cement.

I scrunched up like your typical loser you'd see anywhere else.

My legs carried me down the street. I dragged my useless self as far as I could in the direction that might saved me from this hell.

With a thousand in the pocket that'd last a month...or half...if even that... maybe enough 'till I find a job...if I even can.

I sat on a bus stop's bench with my face cradled in my palms. Absolutely pathetic.  
I arched my chest back with my leg on my knee and pretended like everything is okay because Chara said, 'if you don't seem strong, people will take advantage of y-'

My aching heart crumbled as I chuckled. My eyes welled with blistering tears.

...Right...

I wiped my tears before I fixated on a blissful couple across the street while they held each others' hand.

A maya toned fish-lady with a crimson ponytail and an eye patch strolled beside a mustard-hued stout lizard-lady with glasses.

My heart yearned for the love they had, to hold hands with the person who swore to protect you; their playful smiles and laughs warmed my chest, I longed for the days of old; they kissed one another in a loving embrace, I cried tears of joy to see others happy despite that'd I never grasped it because:

I'm disgusting.

The couple strolled off into the distance.

But for a fleeting moment, I genuinely smiled.

My ears wilted when the teeming warmth ebbed.

...Wonder if we looked like that...?

I scratched the back of my head and sighed.

Cars, footsteps, and chatter droned as I stared at the ground.

I flicked my nose and sniffed. My heartstrings frayed as I clenched my teeth.

Where'd I go wrong?

I rubbed the tears from my eyes. A chilling prick coursed through my veins.

I loved you with all my heart. Why'd you never love me back.

My chest constricted, I crossed my arm while I covered my quivering jaw.

All I wanted was to love you and help you. Why'd you do this to me?

I shook my head and rubbed the bridge of my nose.

Chara's voice rung in my mind, "You're so fuckin' spoiled."

I just want love.

My temples throbbed as my stomach growled.

I want love, comfort, and shelter. Is that too much?

Their voice carried throughout my wracked thoughts, "You're so fuckin' spoiled."

Yeah, always...

I snickered.

Because that's all I ever am to you.

I curled up and shivered.

Or was.

My crooked smile dimpled my cheek.

I stood, strolled down the street, and headed to my heaven or so I hope.

The bedlam of the streets faltered as the crowds dissipated when I arrived to the familiar street, the one we grew up on.

A keen pang grasped my heart.

I exhaled the past and stepped forward:

To my home.

My feet clattered against the concrete as I glided my hand along the rugged, rock wall below the elevated houses. Small dogs yipped and rattled the chain fence. The sprinklers hissed while the scent of fresh cut grass tickled my nose, which would be mundane to most but it isn't to me.

A car whirred by before its tires screeched.

My ears stood. Heart thrashed. I anchored in place.

The window rolled down.

The tarnished car reversed.

The monster's eyes locked with mine.

My stomach pitted.

"Hey, azy," Chara's voice grated my ears like nails on a chalkboard.

A keen jolt surged up my spine.

"Funny finding you here."

Sweat trickled down my forehead.

I fixated on my little suburban home across the street.

"Y'know they won't, right."

I gulped.

"Not after the shit you did." Chara laughed.

My knees locked.

"Also, funny thing." They paused. "My money vanished."

My body wavered.

"You wouldn't happen to know where it is?"

I clenched my fist. My breathing accelerated. I froze in place like a frightened animal.

"Azy, look at me."

Just leave me alone.

" _Azy_."

I rummaged for the cash in my pocket and extended my arm towards the window. "T-take it."

Chara snickered. "Azy, get in."

I shook my head.

Their voice sharpened, "Azy."

I shook my head.

"Where you going to go then?"

I shrugged, I side-glanced at them before I stared at my house.

Would they let me back?

"You know exactly what's going to happen."

My gut contorted.

Silence.

My thoughts scattered.

"Fine, be homeless." Chara snatched the cash.

I grit my teeth. "I-I don't care."

Silence.

I stared at the ground.

Just go!

"Get in."

I shook my head.

"Get the fuck _in_."

I popped my knuckles as the truth shot up my throat. "I want out." I sniffed as searing strands of tears streamed down my face. "I just want to go home...please." I scrunched up and crossed my arms; my muscles constricted while my breathing shorten.

No reply.

My wavering legs buckled.

I whimpered, "Please."

Silence besides the car's whirring engine.

"P-please let me go."

No reply.

"Just let me go please." I sniffled.

"Look at me."

I slued my head towards them:

Chara's hand rested by his pocket with the pistol in it. "Last warning."

I glanced at my house.

"Don't."

My mind wailed for me to run.   
My legs pleaded for me to run.  
My heart longed for me to run:

But I didn't.

**. . .**

Keep me caged because I'm afraid.

Keep me close because I'm on the ropes.

Keep my by your heart because I'm falling apart.

( **I want out!** )

But you won't give me what I need because it'd mean I'm freed.

You didn't use it to keep people out but to keep me in.

So I promise I won't pout because you win.

**. . .**

Chara shoved me into our apartment room. Slammed the door. Their bitter glare pierced my heart.

The revolting stench of alcohol invaded my flaring nose.

I sagged my head between my shoulder as I rubbed my arm.

"Such a fuckin' crybaby." Chara stepped beside the bed, sat, and stowed the gun in the nightstand's drawer.

If I just take it, maybe?

"Also..." Chara stared me, their cold eyes narrowed. "If you try anything." They paused. "I'll put you down, got it?"

I halfheartedly nodded.

Chara huffed, they undressed before they slipped under the covers and slept.

I leaned against the wall across from the bed and crossed my arms.

Would they...really do it...? I flicked my tongue against my dry lips. My stomach growled.

"Azy, you can't leave."

My brows parted. "What?"

"You heard me, leave and I'll do it." Chara shifted in the covers.

"I'm just going t-"

"Starve, asshole."

My ears sagged.

Minutes droned.

I gulped my saliva to alleviate the dryness in my throat. I tilted my head back against the wall.

Run, I die. Fight, I die. Do nothing, I die on the inside.

My gut contorted as I shuddered.

I fixated on the drawer.

Chara's voice thundered in my distorted thoughts. "Did you fucking try to **SHOOT ME**!"

I dropped my head between my shoulders and rested my wavering palm on my furrowed forehead.

Maybe steal the money, hide, and then...then... I shook my head. They'd find me.

I sighed.

Call the cops...and they do what? Oh? Why don't you just leave...ha...

Can't run, I don't want to fight, so what do I do?

My eyes dragged to Chara.

Maybe steal the keys and—They'd have nothing then.

I shut my eyes and tightened.

Maybe they'll get better? They've been improving...sort of...

The images of last night encroached my thoughts.

My body tensed and numbed.

But how many more times will that happen?

I whispered, "I can't do this." My eyes widened when Chara crumbled in their sleep.

...I'm stuck...

I glanced at the nightstand.

But I don't have to be.

A frigid chill shot down my spine.

I can threaten them, yeah! That'd work.

My feet anchored to the ground and my stomach fluttered as my head spun.

...I can't do it...

Tears streamed down my cheeks. I clenched my teeth.

My back slid against the wall as I collapsed onto the ground and sobbed.

I just want out.

My chin quivered as I curled up into a ball.

Why's it so hard?

I glanced at the nightstand.

...It's the only option.

I shook my head.

No...I can...maybe...

My eyes dragged towards my side of the bed and I fixated on a spot below the covers.

Call Nine one, one. Make an incision. And hope for the best...

I crawled on my fours to the end of the bed. I rummaged the crevice and touched the knife's plastic hilt and tugged it out: the blade stained in my dry blood.

Chara grumbled.

My heart ceased.

I raised my head above the bed to check on them. Idle.

...Okay...

I gulped and glanced at the old landline phone. My stomach pitted.

It's the safest way.

Sweat welled in my palms.

Either I stay and hope they change or run.

I clenched my fist.

Call, cut, and cry for help.

My brows drew together.

What if I get put into a mental ward:

Another prison.

My breathing accelerated.

It's either suffer here or suffer there.

I inhaled, held it, exhaled.

It's better than here.

I stepped by the phone. Knife in hand.

My hand quivered as it loomed over it.

Chara grumbled.

I froze.

Silence.

I slued my head as I peeked over my shoulder. Asleep.

Come on!

I grit my teeth as I fixated on the phone with my hand over it.  
My scattered thoughts flooded my racked mind.  
My breathing quicken while I froze.  
Fingers curled and twitched.  
I clenched my teeth.  
I snatched it and...

Dialed my escape plan: It rung.

I set the receiver on the table as someone answered.

My stomach knotted as bile crept up my stomach.

I dragged myself to the bathroom.

Shut the door behind me.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I glanced at my pitiful image within the mirror.

Cut deep, go fast, and pray.

Flipped my wrist.

Blade nestled against the flesh.

It sank into my skin.

Real quick.

I shut my eyes and tensed.

They'll be here soon.

Tears flood down my cheeks.

Inhale, exhale, the blade dug.

Come on.

I clenched my teeth.

COME ON!

My arms locked.

**COME ON DAMMIT! PLEASE!**

I panted.

Bile churned.

World spun.

Vision bleary from the tears.

...It's going to hurt...

My mind wailed.  
My heart pulsed.  
My mind hushed.

...I'm too scared...

I whimpered. Shoulders collapsed. I cried like a child. Pathetic.

Run.

Where?

Just run.

To?

Just run!

Chara's words clutched my mind and burrowed into it. "If you try anything...I'll put you down, got it?"

They're coming, run!

I froze in place.

You'll be arrested.

My chest tightened. My breaths lacerated my throat.

Run.

I shoved the door opened stepped out but:

Chara stared at me with a blank expression. Their eyes trailed to the knife in my hand.

I glanced at the door.

Harrowing silence.

My head spun.

Our eyes clashed.

"C-Chara...I-"

They pulled the drawer open, grabbed the gun, and pointed at me.

My muscles stiffen. Chest hallowed. Breathing quickened.

"Going to stab me, fucker!"

"N-no!"

"Shut the fuck up!" Chara stood. "I'm sick of you!"

My grip around the knife tightened.

"Drop it!" Their hair veiled their eyes.

I shook my head.

"Drop it!"

I sniffed.

"Drop it azy!"

I dragged my head as I shook it.

Silence.

The muzzle of the gun stared me down.

I glanced at the door.

Sirens rung in the distance.

Chara peeked at the window. "What the fuck did you do!"

My hanging chin quivered while my words clung to my throat.

Chara shook the gun. " **YOU SPOILED PIECE OF SHIT**!"

"I-I'm so-"

"Fuck you! I did everything for you and this is how you treat me!"

I scrunched up.

"I should've dropped you the day I met you!"

My heart crumbled as its strings frayed.

"I fucking hate you, you goddamn toxic _**PIECE OF SHIT**_!"

I leaned forward with my hand reached out.

A flash of light. My ears rung. Something struck my stomach like a sucker-punch.

The world spun and blurred.

My eyes fluttered:

Chest heavy.

My body slammed against the wall as my knees bent.

Visceral, searing pang jolted up my spine.

Fingers twitched from the synapses of my brain.

Something warm trickled down my convulsing gut.

Breaths wheezed.

Flash of light. Stomach ruptured. I collapsed into the ground with my limbs splayed out.

Chara snatched their pants. They stormed out the door:

They left me.

I smiled.

...I'm free...

My eyes dragged shut before they shot open until slumber beckon me as my muscles spasmed when a visceral twinge surged up my stomach while I whimpered like a pathetic dying dog and clutched my warm cavities; I drifted off into a daze but:

Shoes rapped against the ground. Someone held my limb body in their arms. They carried me out.

I shivered, my eyes dragged open. I gazed at Chara?

...Maybe you did love me...

The world faded to black.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sick of people who fetishize rape. I AM SICK OF PEOPLE WHO FETISHIZE ABUSE. I'M FUCKING SICK OF PEOPLE WHO FETISHIZE QUEER PEOPLE.  
> I'm not your toy, you don't live in a little tight chamber, your works have an effect on people:
> 
> Stop being disgusting and realize what you're doing.


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